The new Easter Bunny (April Fool's 2018)
by Harmonics Rioter
Summary: [1-shot] It's Easter in the suburbs, and all the kids are excited to go on a little egg hunt after school. However, the real Easter Bunny has been kidnapped by none other than Springtrap. The unexpected event will lead to unforeseen consequences for everyone involved, including a very clueless narrator.


**A/N:** Hi guys, thank for being here. I know it's been a long while since my last update, but real life has been a bit hectic these past couple of months. I'm doing something related to college almost all of my time, and when I do have free time, I often want to rest and release the stress of the week. However, rest assured that I will not abandon my current stories.

But, since it's April Fool's _and_ Easter, I just couldn't let this day pass without the usual silly story to lighten everyone's mood. This was written a but hurriedly, so let me know if you spot any mistakes. Hope you like it, and as always, happy reading!

PS: Imagine the narration (the parts that are not in italics) in Sir David Attenborough's splendid voice for extra kicks.

* * *

 **The new Easter Bunny**

As the bright midday sun lights up the field behind the town's school, we see small and eager faces staring at the peaceful meadow from the building's halls. Practically all the children, from the first to last grades, can barely hold their excitement for the Easter egg hunt that's about to ensue. They all know that the Easter Bunny is placing his colorful eggs in the field for them to find.

A boy gasps as he spots the sight of a large, bipedal shadow with long ears darting between the bushes at the edge of the clearing. Could that be the famed bunny? The boy stares at the trees that guard the opposite end of the clearing, straining his eyes, but sees nothing unusual.

We now go to that gloomy yet magical space between the lively deciduous trees and bushes dancing gently in the breeze, and catch a tall figure behind a bush, basket in hand. His long ears are impossible to ignore, but one seems shorter; perhaps it is folded. We approach the figure with caution. Could it be the elusive bunny itself? His features are becoming clearer as we close the distance. There's fur, a snout, two full cheeks… and… and…

Bloody hell, is that a tendon coming out of his leg?! By God, he's hideous! And he's turning to us!

Oh goodness, it's Springtrap. So, Mr. Afton, how is the afterlife treating you?

Springtrap scowls as he turns around to us, buck teeth drawn into an annoyed snarl _._ "I can assure you, it is not so unpleasant, disregarding brutes like yourself."

We're terribly sorry. Why are you laying those eggs?

The snarl turns into a content, mischievous smirk. "It's my new plan. After the unfortunate events concerning the Funtime animatronics, I decided to renew my lifelong career of killing kids with these poisoned Easter eggs!"

Fascinating, but isn't that a bit… incoherent with the first FNaF games?

"Ha! Have you seen the current state of the lore after Sister Location? Coherency has been fed to the dogs. I am now a British furry with a robotic empire at my disposal and animatronics that can trap children inside themselves. The books are even more ridiculous. Where is your god now?"

I ask myself the same question every time I go on Tumblr. But, I have to wonder, where is the regular Easter Bunny?

"I'm afraid I don't know."

* * *

 _Harry the Hare awoke with a heavy, throbbing headache. Grunting, he slowly opened his eyes and took in his surroundings: large, old monitors were stacked below windows, two on each side of the strange room he was in. A rusty vent hung above a collapsed ventilator shaft, and the room was strewn with heads, figures and animatronic devices. If Harry knew better, he would've realized he was inside the abandoned control module of Circus Baby's Pizza World._

 _The bipedal, anthropomorphic hare stood up slowly, rubbing his fuzzy head. For one moment nothing made sense, then his last memory came back to him: an animatronic monster ambushing him from a dark corner._

 _"William Afton, you dirty bastard." he hissed lowly. His ears peeked up when he realized he missed his basket. Growling in furry, the bipedal hare stomped to the nearest air duct with clenched fists._

* * *

Mr. Afton, if you don't mind our curiosity, why do you kill kids again?

"Because I want remnant."

And what is remnant?

"Something of vital importance to the lore that was introduced in the latest game as an afterthought."

Why do you look like a peanut now?

"Because my design has been retconned. Also, too many fans wanted to shag my old self. I'm afraid I was too beautiful. Now, I'm confined to this hideous body and… Holy tea biscuits it's Harry."

We turn around to see a man-sized bunny… he just screamed something. What did you scream Mr. bunny?"

"I'M A HARE YOU GODDAMNED IDIOT!"

Apparently it is a man-sized hare marching towards us with balled fists. Now, this could be a fascinating exchange between Mr. Afton, or Springtrap, and who appears to be the real Easter Bunny…

"I'M A HARE!"

The real Easter Hare… I'm sorry, but aren't you meant to be a bunny?

"Dude, that's racist."

I beg your pardon. They're now mere feet apart from each other.

"WILLIAM AFTON!" The bunny… er, hare is screaming, "In the name of the Association of Anthropomorphic Leporids and Avian Defenders of Easter, or AOALAADOE, I've come to kick your springlocked ass!" He just spat on his paws, rubbed them and balled them into fists. How unhygienic.

But wait, it appears that Mr. Afton himself is preparing for a brawl! He just pulled back some non-existent sleeves. This match is gonna get red hot!

"GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!" Mr. Afton just yelled, in a spontaneous act of fervent patriotism, as he launched himself at the bunny.

"I'M A FREAKING HARE YOU MORON!" Harry just said, storming at the animatronic. They're exchanging rapid bursts of fists now, the hare just kicked Mr. Afton's shins, but he's not ready to give up just yet. And now Afton has scored a square hit on the hare, who is now stumbling back, slightly dazed.

"What do you have to say, you pathetic Easter Bunny?" Mr. Afton taunts the beast.

"I… am… a _HARE!_ " With a sudden flick of fury in his eyes, Harry just launched a kick at Afton that landed squarely on his groin. Springtrap stumbles back, there's clicking coming from his body. Goodness me, there were unloosened springlocks around his nether regions! And one has just snapped!

Oh, Mr. Afton just let out a very effeminate squeal of agony as he crumbles to the ground. Well, he's definitely incapacitated, that's for sure.

The hare is standing triumphantly next to the squirming, miserable shape of his adversary. "What's the problem Englishman, got your crown jewels busted?" he taunts, before leaving us to recover the poisoned eggs and save the children.

And that concludes another fascinating encounter in these peaceful suburbs. We sincerely hope you had a better Easter than poor Mr. Afton.

* * *

 ** _THE END. HAPPY EASTER AND HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S!_**


End file.
